I could probably write a hundred entries about all the crazy people I end up dealing with on a semi-daily basis. I figured I’d start with the first one I encountered.
When I interned for the company in my senior year of college, one of my duties was listening to the voicemails for potential stories. My intern advisor hadn’t checked them since February, and since I interned over the summer, that meant there were a ton of voicemails. Before I began, she warned me about Deborah.
“There’s this one woman who calls all the time. Her name is Deborah. You’ll probably want to listen to the first few messages from her, but after that, you can just delete them as soon as she says her name.”
I was confused. What was up with this Deborah? I began listening to the voicemails, and I quickly discovered what my boss meant.
Deborah began every single call with the phrase, “Hello, my name is Deborah.” She seemed normal at first, but within a few seconds her tone would escalate to a scream. The calls would usually go something like this:
“Hello, my name is Deborah. I’ve been having a problem with a parade going outside my window. AND STEVEN SEAGAL OWES ME SEVEN MILLION DOLLARS. AND (expletive) MIKE BLOOMBERG OWES ME THREE TRILLION (expletive) DOLLARS!!!!”
She would go on and on about who owed her money, usually in ridiculously large amounts. Sometimes her commentary also included racial slurs (usually against Italians).
At first listening to the calls was funny. But then it got annoying. Sometimes she would talk so much that the voicemail would hang up on her. Then she’d call back and continue her crazed rant where she left off, as if she hadn’t had to call back midway through it.
I’m not sure how she got the number, or why she felt the need to call it to talk about how much money Steven Seagal owed her. But it taught me that there are lots and lots of crazy people out there with access to phones and televisions. As someone who has to deal with strangers every day, it was a good lesson that sometimes you need to be careful about who you’re dealing with. Luckily, Deborah never showed her face, so I never had to deal with her in person.
But I do look back fondly on those moments, when I was bored out of my mind from listening to regular voicemails, that Deborah brought a smile to my face with her craziness. So thanks Deborah, for always introducing yourself before going into psychotic nonsensical rants that made me laugh.